still His little girl

I had started out writing this post on the seasons of life, the importance of seasons and what I am learning about them... I stopped and deleted it all. Its not that I don't think that stuff is important but it was too intense for the mood I was in. If you're anything like me I'm sure you have at times felt the heaviness of life. I can tend to look at everything through a very analytical lense, weighing the spiritual significance of it all. Haha no, hopefully I'm not that bad.

There is something about the times that we are living in right now that strongly pulls me toward seeing everything in such a serious light. Earthquakes, tsunamis, prophecies of destruction leading to calls for stern vigilance in our times with the Lord. Don't get me wrong, this is important and I am not against it...but this isn't my point. I don't want terror and fear to be what propels me toward the Lord. I want to seek Him always. I want to know Him more. I want to know more of His love toward myself and the rest of humankind and of course have a healthy dose of the fear of the Lord. But I don't mean the kind of worldly fear that takes very little discernment to observe there is enough of this all around us. I know the challenge to keep our hearts untroubled has definitely increased by the many troubles that surround us. Yet Jesus' words remain the same "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in Me". God is so graciously showing me the areas in my life where I have allowed my peace to come from things in this world and is leading me to see that true peace comes from Him. "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." Reaching this state seems absurdly impossible while observing the state of everything around us. It can only be the work of an all-loving, Almighty, Supernatural Father.

I can at times get a little overwhelmed at life and all that goes on in this world and feel like I should be doing more. Especially so when I remind myself that I am a responsible adult with a ring on my finger, debt, bills to pay etc...which I can tend to forget often (luckily I'm married to someone who's slightly more responsible). Its funny but I still feel like that knotty-haired, thumb-sucking little girl . In fact, sometimes it feels like nothing much has changed since I was a little girl...except my external appearance and behaviour. For example, I have learned to speak with more eloquence (I hope), I monitor what comes out of my mouth more (most of the time), I control my behaviour more etc etc. But what goes on internally hasn't changed too much. I still feel shy and nervous in some settings, I have worries and fears that cry out for a soothing word from a comforting voice, I get hurt when it seems like someone doesn't want to play with me (or meet me for a coffee rather), my heart is thrilled at the sight of fairy lights, pretty butterflies and puppies, I still wish that animals would talk to me and that I could fly with a little help of some pixie dust (some things I have let go...). Although I am in a season of transitions, change and growing up, paradoxically I am also learning to become more childlike before the Lord. I want to continually remain in His peace, love and joy despite the world around me. I still need to be able to see God in the silence, stillness and beauty of a sunrise, as well as the ferociousness of the storm. Otherwise I will go crazy.