Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Created to create

Time to write again. I shouldn't leave it so long to blog. Its those pesky thoughts that always stop me from starting things I really love to do. I find it so therapeutic making myself dive deep inside what can sometimes feel like the messiness of life to try and make sense of everything. And when I do, I always resurface with some nugget of truth that is so beautifully simple and uncomplicated. Blogging seems to help me make sense of what God is doing.

God just doesn't stop working is us. I am astounded at the never-ending lessons there are to learn in life, no matter what circumstances you find yourself in. There never will be a point of arrival when we can say to ourselves "I've done it, I think I look enough like Christ, I'm just gonna sit back and enjoy these last years on earth". The cool thing is that life would be so boring if we weren't being continually challenged and changed.

God's breathing life into areas that have been seemingly dead for quite a number of years. This sounds great (and it is) but it can also be a bit scary. The main one is in the area of creativity. I have always loved to create. I just get overwhelmed at how to go about it. There seems to be so much that gets in the way....So, often I just won't do anything. This has been my attitude for a looooooong time. As a wee girl I always had a project on the go but after ignoring this part of me for so many years and taking life so seriously during my time at University and Grad School, it seemed like it shriveled up and died. I am in a phase which is totally conducive to allowing those things to come alive again. And that is exactly what God seems to be doing. It has been a battle to get to this point. I just couldn't seem to get myself to really start anything because of fears of failing and the possibility of discovering that I really wasn't very creative after all. In my heart I know this is ridiculous, I should be doing these things simply because I enjoy doing them, and I shouldn't take it so seriously. There is this ugly perfectionist monster in me that enjoys raising its unwelcome head to stifle and shut out the desire inside me to create.

My amazing husband who is always encouraging me told me to simply start. Get out the paper and paints, put some music on and use my gifts (doesn't matter how good/bad I think they are) as an act of faith and worship towards God. Somehow, this doesn't seem so daunting. No standard to reach, no result to obtain, no judgments being made. So I am taking baby steps toward allowing this part of me to come alive by acting on it despite my thoughts and feelings. So, I have started making cards. I got my paints out and begun painting. I got my drawing pencils out and their nice sharp tips are actually becoming a bit blunt! I don't even know if I like what I'm creating, but I know I am enjoying the process. I love getting so wrapped up and focused on what I am doing that I forget about everything else. It feels like I come alive and that has to be a good thing. I feel like everyone is a creator in one way or another. It can seem like there are so many obstacles that lie in the path of creativity. I feel like letting go is a major key to enjoying the freedom we have to create. I'm thankful I have a God that leads me and points me in the direction toward finding joy and fulfillment in creating...just like Him. After all, we are created in His image.

Some things I have started to do...

These things we did awhile back when I had a small spurt of inspiration...

An example of some spilled frustration...

My teacherness coming through with an interactive method of choosing a date: